The Lion Sleeps Tonight
So I was getting my internet fix on the morning's news this a.m.
when I ran across the lion in California which, or who, became a
casualty in a small police action sans jungle.
Our boys in blue shot a lion? Let's see, poaching, hunting without
a license, hunting without permission, hunting out of season, dis-
charging a firearm in a populated area, disturbing the peace, and --
death by cop. (Where is PETA when a lion needs them?)
But, not to worry, the powers that think they be are asking all the
right questions, as in:
1. Was the lion acting in a manner leading up to the situation
which the staff should have been aware of?
2. Was said lion being fed properly?
3. (And my personal favorite) Was the lion under undue stress?
Call me crazy, but I would answer: yes, no, and hades yes!
A few facts are in order here, for Daniel Caffey's few who can
handle the truth: A lion, living up to the resident bwana's
specific nomenclature, the king of beasts, was only acting LIKE
A LION. What the foxtrot? A lion is a lion is a lion.
Giving the king of beasts an anthropomorphic nom de plume,
feeding him in human fashion, three squares a day, letting him
sleep at night and face human visages through iron bars by day --
does not make said lion a docile pet who lolls around the house
like a laid off couch potato.
Of course he was not being fed properly. He is a lion. Meat they
eat. Fresh meat, warm meat, bloody meat. After the chase, the
flop, the kill and the drag to the den where a good time is
enjoyed by all. This is a lion, not a Portuguese Water Dog.
Undue stress? Are you kidding me? Not to be condescending here,
you know, that's where you talk down to people, undue stress?
Seriously?
In the jungle where lions get to be lions 24/7, in hundreds of
quadrilateral luscious miles of fresh air, fresh green, and fresh
meat, the only living things they see -- they kill and eat. They are
lions!
As lions, they view not the world through iron bars. Bars are
foreign to them. Would you expect to take a lion to Downey's in
Santa Barbara and expect him to drink a gin and tonic, eye the women
and make with the one liners: so, babycakes, come here often? What's
your sign? Me Leo.
And yes, he was acting in a manner the staff should have been aware
of -- he was acting like a lion. No, he was not being fed properly, until
his last attempt at a meal. And yes, he was under mucho stress -- can
you say -- like a caged lion?
And so he bites the hand that feeds him. What would a sane person
expect? And as sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west,
every lion will continue to act in that manner until by prophet bards
foretold, when with the ever encircling years comes round the age
of gold -- and then and only then will the lion lie down with the
lamb.
And with the exact same certainity, humans sans common sense will
continue to attempt the impossible -- ascribing human characteristics
to lions. It will not work -- ask the staff.
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